Last night I kept waking up. My mind isn't straight I'm back at a place I didn't want to be at. I started work at 2PM when I was meant to start at 12PM it's okay I got it sorted and my manager understood. She was glad I rang up and told her first so that's great she was so understanding. Tomorrow I am going to tell my hairdressing job to jam it. In nicer terms. It's just not me, and I can't keep trying when it just is not meant to be, or the timing is just ridiculously bad. I need to eventually find a full time job so I can get finance from a bank to pay off these fuckers (nrma) I'm hoping something at my parents work once work picks up there. I can hopefully do the graveyard shift work four nights a week and get three off. But nothing comes easily.
I'm starting to shut people out. I just don't want to talk seriously about things. I'm finding it to be easier to not say anything at all really. I know some people are getting shitty at me but there isn't a lot I can do.
I want to go back. But I wouldn't know when because I can't really say when the world was most happiest.
I want to be three-five again when times were simple and mess was fun.
Now mess makes me feel really cramped and paranoid.
Hazy days
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